Coaching, as a profession, is evolving alongside technology, as it should. One of the most significant changes is the rise of AI-driven coaches. These virtual coaching tools use smart technology like advanced algorithms (to analyze your goals, communication style or progress to offer you tailored advice); natural language processing (technology that learns to understand the meaning behind your words); and machine learning (tailoring advice and feedback based on analyzing your responses and adapting to you over time). All of this to provide guidance, insights, and support at a fraction of the cost of what we human coaches charge. As you consider hiring a coach, I think it's worth exploring the potential advantages and limitations of AI coaching alongside the option of working with a real person. I know it's been useful for me to take time to do some research on this for myself - there's plenty more to explore and understand.

The Potential Upsides of AI Coaching

Affordability and Accessibility
AI coaching is typically much cheaper, and it is available 24x7, making it an accessible option for individuals or organizations with limited budgets. AI coaches don't require scheduling or downtime. If you need quick input or reflection in the moment, they are always on and ready to assist. This is great if you're awake in the middle of the night and in need of some guidance.

Data-Driven Insights

AI tools can analyze large amounts of data from assessments, questionnaires, and even conversational patterns to provide immediately tailored insights. These tools are strong in identifying trends and offering structured, objective feedback. As a human coach I find AI to be a helpful partner if I'm working with data and want to extrapolate some key insights.

Consistency
Unlike us human coaches, who bring our own experiences, assumptions, and potential biases into the coaching conversation, AI can apparently provide consistent responses based on programmed frameworks and evidence-based methodologies. I'm still learning about AI, as I work with it, and am not 100% sure it doesn't introduce biases based on the knowledge it has gained as it gets to 'know you'.

The Potential Downsides of AI Coaching

Lack of Human Connection
Coaching is a relationship. A significant part of the power of a coaching partnership comes from being seen, heard, understood, and supported by another person. AI may provide guidance, but it can't replicate the empathy, intuition, and nuanced understanding of a human coach.

Limited Emotional and Situational Sensitivity
While AI can simulate understanding, it lacks the genuine emotional intelligence needed to navigate the subtleties of complex individual or organizational dynamics. For example, when dealing with deeply personal challenges or workplace conflict, a human coach’s ability to ‘read the room’ or explore ‘beneath the surface’ is not replicable by AI.

The Risks of 'One Size Fits All'
AI systems operate based on their programming and training data, which may not account for every unique situation or cultural context. This can lead to advice or questions that feel impersonal or irrelevant.

Ethical Concerns and Confidentiality
Data security and ethical use of sensitive information are critical considerations. While reputable AI platforms prioritize these concerns, the risk of data breaches or misuse should be a definite concern for all of us.

Developmental Depth
AI coaches are excellent for transactional or surface-level growth, such as designing next steps or setting goals. However, for transformational coaching - work that requires deep exploration of identity, values, and beliefs - AI is not equipped to partner and support in the same way that a skilled human coach can.

The Value of a Human Coach in a World with AI

While AI coaching offers some great possibilities, ones that I can acknowledge appreciating, I believe it's important to recognize what makes us human coaches uniquely valuable:

Our Ability to Create a Safe Container

A human coach can create a safe and intimate space for vulnerability, exploration, and reflection - something AI cannot authentically replicate.

Adaptability and Presence

Humans can pivot based on tone, body language (in person or via video), and the intangible dynamics of a conversation.

Co-Regulation

As humans, we are inherently social beings. Between us there is a dynamic process that is always occurring - it's where our nervous systems meet one another. A skilful coach is able to bring a nervous system that allows the client to find safety, connection, and regulation. A calm and regulated coach can help soothe someone who is dysregulated and by doing so, bring their nervous system into balance. A human coach is able to attune to a client and to be mindfully present. Because co-regulation involves non-verbal cues such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and presence, AI coaching is not able to participate in this critical process of co-regulation. 

Personal Growth Through Relationship

A meaningful coaching relationship often serves as a mirror, revealing patterns in how you relate to others and helping you grow in ways that ripple out into other areas of your life.

Finding the Right Fit for You

The choice between an AI or human coach will depend on your needs, values, goals, and budget. If you're seeking quick, affordable support with well-defined objectives, AI might be a good starting point. However, if you want a deeply transformative experience grounded in compassion, connection, and deep expertise, your investment in a human coach will likely be far more meaningful and rewarding.

I acknowledge that as AI continues to develop, the future of coaching will likely blend both worlds. The most important thing is to choose the option that resonates with your needs and aligns with what is most important for you.

 ...Who Focuses on What Matters Most To You

Hiring a coach is an important decision. I hope this guide helps you find someone who will partner with you and profoundly impact your life. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re exploring coaching because you sense the need for change. Perhaps something isn’t working, and you’re unsure why. Or you know exactly what it is but don’t know how to address it. Maybe you feel untapped potential within you but struggle to find the time, space, or clarity to reflect and take meaningful action.

Why Coaching Matters Now

I have experienced the deep and profound experience of a skilled coach, and I can confidently share that a masterful coach doesn’t change your life, they empower you to change it yourself. I’d like to share my ideas for how to be thoughtful in your decision.

The world feels challenging, things are changing quickly and not much feels certain or clear. A coaching partnership offers a safe, structured space to pause, reflect, and consider other perspectives and possibilities. Whether you’re navigating professional transitions, exploring your purpose, or building your confidence, the right coach can partner with you to shift challenges into insights, learnings, and opportunities.

Choosing the right coach has become more important and more challenging. The coaching industry has grown significantly, with more coaches offering services, a lack of widespread regulation, and a wide array of coaching types and specialties. Social media has further complicated matters, allowing individuals to present themselves in ways that may not reflect their actual expertise or impact. At the same time, the heaviness, uncertainty, and confusion of our current state of reality has led many of us to pause and reexamine who we are, what truly matters, and where we want to focus our energy and attention. For those looking to make meaningful contributions and align with their purpose, finding the right coach has probably never been so crucial or complex.

Factors to Consider When Hiring a Coach

Here are some factors to keep in mind when choosing a coach:

The Coach-Client Fit: More Critical Than Ever

The success of a coaching relationship depends less on how remarkable the coach is and more on how well you fit together. Coaching is a partnership. Research consistently highlights that ‘fit’ is a key predictor of positive outcomes in a coaching partnership.

Start by shortlisting a handful of coaches whose profiles intrigue you. Ask your HR or OD department, search online directories, or seek recommendations from trusted colleagues, friends, or family. Most coaches offer complimentary 30-minute introductory meetings - take advantage of these to assess your fit.

Accessibility and Flexibility

The rise of virtual coaching means you can work with a coach from anywhere. This has made coaching more accessible, but it also means finding the right coach may involve sifting through more options. Decide whether you value face-to-face interaction or are comfortable working virtually.

Confidentiality and Trust

Confidentiality, trust, and psychological safety are essential. Ensure your coach offers a clear confidentiality agreement, especially if your coaching is sponsored by your organization. Address potential conflicts of interest upfront and clarify how information will be shared, if at all, with interested parties such as HR or your manager.

Coaching Style: Directive vs. Facilitative

Coaches typically lean toward one of two styles:

Directive: Offers advice and strategies to solve immediate problems. This can feel efficient but may not foster long-term self-reliance.

Facilitative: Encourages deep reflection, helping you uncover your own answers. This approach builds sustainable growth but can feel slower in the short term.

Consider what you need most in your current circumstances and align it with the coach’s style. Read more about ‘Coaching Styles’.

Credentialing

When choosing a coach, it's worth noting the importance of credentials from the International Coach Federation (ICF), the leading global organization for coaching standards and ethics. The ICF offers three levels of certification: Associate Certified Coach (ACC), Professional Certified Coach (PCC), and Master Certified Coach (MCC). Each reflects a progression of training hours, client coaching experience, and demonstrated skill mastery. These credentials provide reassurance that the coach adheres to globally recognized standards, has undergone rigorous training, and abides by a professional code of ethics. 

While it's valuable to ask your prospective coach about their credentials, I don't believe it should be the sole factor in choosing your coach. Many coaches with a PCC credential have completed substantial training and client hours that qualify them to pursue an MCC credential but have not yet completed the process. Credentials provide insight into a coach’s training and commitment to professional standards, but your ultimate decision should also consider how well the coach aligns with your needs, values, and goals.

Artificial Intelligence and Coaching

As AI becomes more integrated into coaching practices, it’s important to ask your potential coach if they use AI tools and, if so, how they incorporate them into their work. While these tools can enhance efficiency and provide additional insights, they also raise questions about data security and confidentiality. Make sure to discuss how your sensitive information will be protected and ensure that any use of AI aligns with your comfort level and expectations for privacy. 

As AI coaching tools emerge, you may be weighing the benefits of a human coach against AI-driven options. AI coaches offer affordability, accessibility, and data-driven insights, but they lack the emotional depth, intuition, and nuanced understanding of a human coach. Human coaches bring relational expertise, instinct, adaptability, and the ability to notice and navigate emotions and somatic states. While AI may complement the coaching process, the decision to choose between human and AI coaching depends on your goals, values, and the depth and intimacy of the support you seek. For more on this, read AI Coaching: Is It An Option for You?

Integrity and Authenticity

A coach should embody the principles they guide you through. Are they investing in their own growth? Do they model ease, curiosity, and adaptability in uncertain times? I recommend looking for a coach who walks their talk and inspires you to do the same. A wise teacher once reminded me that ‘sometimes I am a few steps ahead of my client, sometimes I’m a few steps behind, and sometimes I’m right there with them’. It helps when I’ve walked a similar path to you, but it’s not always going to be possible, or I might only walk that path later in my life. A coach can always learn from their client, in fact this should always be true.

Cost and Value

Coaching rates vary widely, influenced by factors such as experience, qualifications, geography, and program duration. While executive and leadership coaching tends to be more expensive, a higher cost doesn’t always guarantee a better fit. You’ll need to do some price comparisons as this is an unregulated industry where often, anything goes.

Life Experience vs. Industry Knowledge

While some clients value coaches with industry-specific experience, it’s often unnecessary. A skilled coach will partner with you, ask questions that challenge your assumptions, offer new perspectives, and support you in navigating complexities, regardless of their background. What often matters more is the coach’s life experience and their depth of coaching expertise.

Less experienced coaches may lean toward a tactical approach, focusing on immediate goals or specific challenges. This can be helpful in addressing short-term needs but may not always delve into the deeper layers of what’s driving those challenges. More experienced coaches tend to prioritize what matters most to you. They focus not just on outcomes but on how you are relating to your goals and issues, exploring underlying patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that impact long-term growth. A coach with years of experience will often bring a broader perspective, helping you to uncover transformative insights and develop a stronger, more sustainable way of navigating your professional and personal life.

I also believe it’s imperative that the coach has gone through their own inner work journey, whether through coaching or therapy. A coach who has done the work they are supporting you to do will bring greater authenticity, empathy, and a deeper understanding of the complexities involved. This personal experience ensures that your coach is not just guiding you theoretically but is walking alongside you with genuine insight and integrity.

Mentorship, Therapy, and Coaching

Mentorship, therapy, and coaching are distinct - be sure you’re hiring for what you need most. A skilled coach who has integrity will listen and let you know if you need something other than coaching.

Some Practical Tips for Decision-Making

Trust your instincts and gather data. Pay attention to how your body feels during an introductory meeting. Do you feel at ease? Excited? Comfortable with their approach?

Clarify what matters most. Write down your goals for coaching, the qualities you value in a coach, and the criteria that must be met to allow you to feel safe enough to be open and honest. Use these as benchmarks during your selection process.

Reflect on alignment. A great coach meets you where you are and treats your concerns as unique, not templated. If you feel pressured or boxed in, it’s a sign that this coach is not right for you.

Partnering for Success. Look for a coach who views the relationship as a partnership - someone committed to walking alongside you rather than telling you what to do. The best coaches focus on unleashing your brilliance, helping you tap into your potential, rather than showcasing their own expertise. A great coach empowers you to discover your own answers and grow in confidence, creating sustainable, meaningful change that truly belongs to you.

Choosing the right coach is a deeply personal decision that can profoundly impact your life. Take the time to find a coach who partners with you, meets you where you are, is curious about what matters most to you, and empowers you to uncover the meaningful change you seek.

I wish you clarity and success as you search for the coach who is right for you.

If you are interested in an exploratory conversation, please contact me.

Do you ever wonder how it’s possible to hold two seemingly opposite ways of being in the world?  As I sat down to write today, I became very aware of the discomfort resulting from the tension between the part of me that wants to have a regular writing practice and the part of me who is prioritizing my business. My daughter is figuring out how she can be both ambitious and studious while also a surfer and traveler. And a client recently shared that she feels pulled between her life as a corporate professional and her love for being a surf bum, trail runner, and mountain explorer.

Many people resolve this tension by choosing one path over the other. It’s often easier, allowing them to avoid the discomfort of pursuing both. Yet, I know plenty of people who don’t want to settle for just one version of themselves. Today, I invite you to join me in exploring this “both-and” approach - giving ourselves permission to embrace and nurture all the parts of who we are, even when it’s hard.

Living a life that honors multiple passions is, I believe, an essential step toward a richer, more fulfilled existence. Many people desire this kind of wholeness but dismiss it as impractical or give up on it when it feels impossible. Sound familiar?

Reflecting on Your “Both-ness”

Have you ever felt torn between career ambitions and the pull of nature on your days off? Do you crave creative outlets like cooking for friends or learning new songs, even as you dedicate yourself to professional goals? Or perhaps you hear a little voice telling you it’s impractical to pursue both and urging you to pick one?

Over time, many of us silence parts of ourselves that once brought energy, motivation, and joy. People I coach often recall a piece of themselves that was creative, adventurous, or community-oriented - a part that thrived on making a difference or creating something meaningful. I’m always curious about where these parts go when we stop prioritizing them. They remain in our memories and in our bodies, which store valuable intelligence about who we are and who we want to be.

Reflection Points

Our bodies, like our minds, hold powerful memories and signals about what we long for. Here are some questions that help me to tap into what my body already knows about what I most need and want:

• What memories does my body hold of times when I felt alive and fully myself?
• What signals do I notice or ignore? Maybe it’s tension in my shoulders from doing too much of what drains me, or a thrill in my stomach when I remember a hobby or passion.
• Can I recall the feeling of strength in my legs on a hike, the excitement of being part of a community, or the joy of creating music?

And what about now? What shape has my body taken in response to today’s responsibilities? Maybe I feel tightness in my shoulders from long hours at work, or tension in my jaw from balancing competing demands.

I try to ask myself:

• When have I felt most energized? What was I doing?
• Where was I when I first felt this in my body?
• What emotions did I feel then, and how often do I experience them now?
• What does my body most enjoy doing?
• What does my body most need right now?

Consider writing down your answers. Reflection alone can be a powerful first step toward reconnecting with the parts of yourself that bring joy and energy.

Design Your Own Way Forward

My journey to being a more whole human being—one who honors all parts of myself – has been deeply personal. As a coach and a parent, I’ve seen that no one can prescribe my path for me. Instead, I design it based on what feels meaningful to me. I try to start small: adjust my morning routine, incorporate moments of rest throughout my day, or create an end-of-day ritual. I might take more holiday time, commit to a writing practice, or cultivate small, joyful routines.

Here are a few essential elements that help me create my new way forward that might be helpful to you:

1. Define your intention: What do you want to cultivate or reconnect with?
2. Identify a new action: This might be journaling, exercising, composing lyrics, or listening without interrupting.
3. Reflect consistently: What are you noticing as you try this new practice? What do you want to pay attention to?
4. Seek accountability: Invite someone who supports you to check in on your progress.

Choosing to be a whole human being - a person who embraces multiple aspects of myself - has often felt challenging and uncomfortable. It has required me to calm the critical voice within, to listen more often to my body, to stay a lot longer with discomfort, and to be willing to accept imperfection. And while there are countless reasons to avoid these tensions, the rewards have been immense. I believe that our lives are richer when we make room for what brings us peace and energy. Too often we can find ourselves working toward an idealized version of ourselves and losing sight of who we genuinely want to be.

Maybe your path involves focusing on yourself more, serving others, or both. The path is unique to you. And we’re all in this together, each of us navigating our own “both-ness” in ways that make us feel most alive.

Many years ago, I wrote a piece entitled, parenting as a practice. At the time, our daughters were 7 and 5, and we were in the fullon-ness of parenting young kids – who is sleeping and who isn’t sleeping? Saying good bye to soothers and wondering, when will she stop sucking her thumb? What book are we reading tonight? Are you wearing your seatbelt? How many times have you changed your outfit today? And so on.

And now, my daughters are 16 and 18, and I am in this new territory of letting go and knowing that I need to step back, watch them step forward, listen, be here but also go away, be present and ready, but also willing to disappear…. As I said to a client recently, parenting is this practice (unbeknownst to many of us as we embark on the path) of doing a job that we will eventually not be needed for. Not many of us are wired this way – we tend to take on jobs and want to improve, succeed, be relevant and as such, to continue with this job. Not many people do a job with an intention to eventually no longer be needed or necessary. I see so many profound parallels between parenting and leadership. Being a parent teaches us how to lead. As we parent, we have an opportunity to cultivate and build so many skills and capabilities that we need to lead. And one of these is this profound ability to create and cultivate something amazing and truly beautiful, that we feel deeply proud of, and to then, let it go. And not to step completely away but to learn how to sit, be present, and observe this beautiful creation go off to thrive and flourish in the world, largely without us.

And so this letter to my daughters....

What I have been busy learning is that despite giving birth to you and raising you, you do not belong to me . You are your very own unique human being who had within her, from before your birth, so much of who you’d become. Yes, we influence and shape you, and hopefully in all the best ways, but you are an evolving human being. And I have so enjoyed watching you evolve. It’s been the most magical and delightful experience, to simply have front row seats to the evolution of a human being.

I write this because lately I have been feeling so much around this letting go as you go off and do your life. I’ve been curious, amazed, confused, unsure, worried, sad, joyful, proud, and literally, wide awake. It’s clearly not been straight forward; it’s been such a mix of emotions. It’s also been a mix of how I show up for you in this time. Sometimes I show up in a way that I feel proud of and other times, not so much. I think back a few weeks ago to when I showed you my sadness and how that left you feeling concerned for me. I thought that by telling you how much I would miss you that I was letting you know how much I love you. But I realized that I clipped your wings a bit in doing this and I was so grateful that we could talk again, soon after, so that I could do some repair work and let you know that I was just fine and that you needed to fly. It sounds so cliché but it literally is like flight. I’ve always wanted to be your launchpad – for you to know that the ground you come from and land on when you return, is solid and steady but that you can take off and fly as high as you need. I will be here when you return. And if I’m not physically here, the ground will be here for you, the ground that we built in all those years of your childhood.

I loved building that ground. I don’t know that I realized how much I loved that creation and building. I think of all that has gone into that ground…the hours of snuggles, playing, dreaming, reading, eating, crying, constructing, swimming, singing, laughing, exploring, swinging, talking…. all that is your ground. It is always here for you, no matter where you or I go. I know that this is why I was so struck by the words of Canadian musician, William Prince, (paraphrased) - ‘As you look to your future and plan for your future, don’t forget to take some time to look at all that you’ve done to get to where you are’. You have come so far in really, a short amount of time. And I know that I have come so far, from who I was before you to who I am today.

Just as it was when you were little, being your mother is a practice. It is a practice that has continued in times when I’ve been intentional about it or not, and it is a practice that has changed and evolved as we have both changed and evolved.

Parenting, in this time, is many things…It is…

a practice of letting go

a time of knowing when to step back and when to step forward

a continued practice in patience

a practice of noticing my own triggers and not making it about you

a practice in not taking it personally

a practice of going with your flow and learning to be adaptable

a practice of protecting you and also trusting you

a practice of trusting that what has been laid down as your foundation is your solid ground and it is time for you to venture out

a practice of checking my expectations at the door

a practice of imperfections – mine and yours

a practice of apologizing and circling back

a practice of finding myself, independent of being your mother

a practice of holding the fear of your departure and embracing what will open up for you and me in that space

a practice of allowing some kindness for myself as I traverse this new territory, as I learn to let go, and as I learn to be me without you

a practice of finding my identity that is not who I was before you and not who I’ve been with you, but who I am becoming and evolving into

a practice of recognizing that as you bloom into your young adultness, I am transitioning into something new that I’m not yet sure of. I am most certainly transitioning or evolving into a new time in my life as you do the same

a practice of trying to understand and trying to share my experience with others

a practice of learning from so many others who have walked this path before me

a continued practice of knowing I am not alone in this

a practice in imagination and creativity as I imagine what is ahead for you and for me

a practice of discernment…between so many things. Between you and me. Between your life and my life. Between enough and too much. Between stepping in and stepping back. Between enforcing and trusting. Between controlling and letting go. Between the past and the future. Between expectation and becoming. Between fears and dreams. Between dependence and freedom. Between being everything to you and making space for something or someone else.

a practice of feeling the absolute joy and richness of our life and knowing we can’t step back in time

a practice of being present with all that has come before

a practice of continuing to be our family and evolving in the ways in which we do that

a practice of continued love

a practice of celebrating you

a practice of not overdoing it

a practice of relating to you as an adult

I have long thought about what I want you to know as you head out into your life outside of our family home. But I think you know what you need to know. I hope you know that when you’re in doubt, you can turn right around and walk back through our door. I hope you know that I will always, as hard as I try not to, be waiting for you.

I hope that our paths will run side by side, but I know that there will be times when they don’t. I hope these times are not too long.

As with true leadership, parenting encompasses such a vast spectrum of skills, from guiding and directing, to nurturing and observing, all in the hopes of shaping a positive future. And often we don't notice or acknowledge the 'muscles' that we flex every day in almost every moment of the day as we parent or as we lead. Within parenthood lies the opportunity to infuse kindness, love, respect, and generosity into our interactions, both in our own actions and through the lessons we impart to our children. It's a chance to actively participate in crafting the kind of world we envision. I hope that you, as a leader or as a parent, or as both, will more often acknowledge all that you practice and refine simply by trying to do the best that you can.

If you've ever walked through the land after a wildfire has swept through it you've seen the miracle of how quickly new growths begin. I was astonished by the contrast between the lushness of the new green growth amidst the charred and blackened remains of the forest. How incredible that such distinct environments exist side by side. And how they support one another. The natural environment so powerfully illuminates what is possible in this experience of being human. Each and every day we exist with what is clearly in our consciousness- the elements of ourselves that we and most everyone else is aware of and can see. And, we exist with all that we keep hidden and all that we are unaware of that exists within us. We do our best to live most days like the green lush growth, trying our best to survive and thrive. And alongside that is always the parts of ourselves that we hold more privately - our vulnerabilities, our fears and worries, our weaknesses and our traumas, and all that we don't yet know about ourselves. This is our shadow side. Like the charred forest, our shadow seems lifeless and yet, within it is an abundance of potentiality and growth.

We live our lush green aliveness and our charred darkness all of the time. Nature can teach us that both are needed for our survival, our re-growth, and our capacity to thrive.